Sonic and Shadow SAVE THE WORLD'S MARIJUANA
by ShadowSmokesChronic
Summary: Sonic and co. must fight President Trump to save the world's strongest weed strain, "Obama Kush."


I'm really worried about the new Sonic movie, so I decided to write my own script to send to SEGA. It goes like this.

The movie opens in Robotnik's lab.

"Shadow! Hand me that pipe already, will you?" Robotnik snaps. Shadow begrudgingly hands him the glass pipe. "And the weed too, you idiot!"

"Yes, Doctor," Shadow sighs and rolls his eyes.

"Will you two cut it out?" Rouge chimes in. "It's always something with you two. And besides, since we have a Chaos Emerald, Shadow can use it to warp to the WEED FIELD and get us more anytime."

"That may be the case," Robotnik says, "but ever since that knucklehead found our WEED FIELD, our supply seems to dwindle more everyday" he says, referring to Knuckles the Echidna.

Shadow closes his eyes and begins to think. "I remember when Maria and I used to hit the bong back on the space colony ARK. Man, those were the days..." He begins to play the cutscene flashback to her death that they play in every single fucking game before Eggman stops him. "Jesus Christ man, you need some grief counseling or something."

Meanwhile, Sonic is chilling on the beach as he tends to do on his days off. Enter Tails, flying in on his mechanical plane, the Tornado, when suddenly, "Ahhh! I forgot to prepare the landing gear, AGAIN, like the eight-year-old dumbass that I am. What is this Pokemon episode? Same shit every time."

Suddenly, Tails feels a towering presence on the plane behind him. It is CJ, from Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. "Ah shit, here we go again" he meme's over a sitcom laugh track specifically sourced from Big Bang Theroy as they begin to plummet towards their deaths.

Tails has an idea. "CJ, activate the flying cars cheat! Hurry!" CJ protests. "But we don't even have a hooker onboard! I don't know if it will work!"

"Just try it!" Tails screams over the rushing wind, his voice growing more frantic as they began to pick up speed.

"Square, Down, L2, Up, L1, Circle, Up, X, Left!" CJ shouts his cheat code to the heavens, wishing he could see Big Smoke one last time.

Just like magic, the plane starts to lift higher into the air. "Wow, it really worked!" Tails laughs in relief. "Sonic, look!" The pair look down at Sonic, who appears to be passed out in his pool chair. CJ explains, "It looks like he spent a little too much time at Green Hill zone, if you know what I mean. It's a weed metaphor." Laugh track.

"Why the fuck is everyone high around here," Tails scoffs. "It's not fair, I'm not even old enough to smoke."

"But you're old enough to say fuck, little man?" CJ asks, amused.

"Shut the fuck up CJ before I use the fat cheat code on you." CJ activates his jetpack and flies away before things get any more heated.

Back at Eggman's layer, Emo Hog, Boobs McGee, and the fat man are chilling and listening to their shitty nu-metal theme songs (just kidding they aren't shitty they're actually sick.) In walks E-123 Omega.

"ATTENTION FRIENDS. I HAVE BAD NEWS. THE GOVERNMENT IS HERE."

"What?!" Robotnik slams his fist on the control panel. "Wait, the government? Like, the entire government? Can you be more specific?"

"THE PRESIDENT, SIR." In this timeline, Trump was never elected and Obama is still president. Shadow jumps out of his seat.

"Obama? I haven't heard that name in years..." He looks to the side mysteriously as if suddenly lost in thought. "The weed fields…"

"CORRECT, SHADOW. IT IS A NATIONAL CRISIS. WEED IS GOING EXTINCT AND THEY NEED OUR FIELDS TO REPOPULATE THE PLANET."

Rouge gasps. "But, I sold all my JEWELS to afford that land! They can't just take it away from us!"

Omega interrupts. "They said if we do not comply, alternate timeline President Trump will set fire to our entire field, starting with the "Obama Kush" strain."

Rouge begins to tear up. "This can't be happening…"

"Calm down Rouge," Shadow coos. "We must do this, for the good of all mankind. It's what... Maria… would have wanted…" he begins to play the cutscene flashback of her death again. Every one sighs and waits for it to be over. Robotnik stands up. "Now is the part at the end of the movie where the good guys and bad guys come together for the greater good. I don't want to do this, but it is our only option. We have to call Sonic."

Sonic's cell phone begins chirping on the small table next to him. It is clearly the new Samsung Galaxy S10, and they make a point to show the brand name for about 3 full seconds. The caller ID shows Doctor Robotnik. He answers immediately, which causes Amy to huff spitefully, "Oh so you never answer for me, but you'll answer for fucking Eggman? What are you, gay?" Sonic ignores her.

"SONIC! It's an emergency! The world is running out of weed and if we don't do something about it, alternate timeline President Trump is going to destroy it all!"

"Roger that, Eggman!" Sonic chuckles as he spin dashes away, spraying sand all over Amy.

Within minutes, Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, Rouge, Omega, Robotinik, Obama, Joe Biden, Trump, and Mike Pence have all gathered at the WEED FIELDS.

"Heh, where's YOUR back up, old man?" Shadow smirks at Trump.

"I don't NEED backup" Trump exclaims. "I have the power of God AND anime on my side…" the Evangelion theme begins to play as Trump brandishes... the triforce! Mike Pence smiles as he claims his piece.

"No way, I can't believe this!" Robotnik laments as he is blinded by the holy light of Din, Nayru, and Farore.

Tails looks on in dismay. "But then... Who holds the third piece of the triforce?"

After a moment, the light fades and everyone is shocked to see the third member of the triforce. It is none other than... Reggie Fils-Aime.

"Reggie, no! How could you!" Sonic cries as he looks down, fists clenched in fury and despair. "You were the one… Nintendo was… the first one to take us in when Sega was reduced to a third party company!" Inappropriate and awkward laugh track, as everyone looks away in hurt and disappointment.

"I'm sorry, my children," Reggie bellows from above, still awash in a sparkling light like Edward from Twilight. "But as the president of Nintendo, I am beholden to the keeper of the Triforce."

Knuckles snaps out of his shock and awe. "Fuck this, it's been 23 and 1/2 minutes since my last toke and I'm getting grumpy. Let's start this shit."

Sonic and Shadow give each other a knowing look as they rush ahead of the others, who follow behind in the well-known and legendary Bob Marley military formation, now commonly referred to as Buffalo Soldier.

Seeing this, Trump and Mike Pence summon their personas: Markiplier and PewDiePie.

Oh my god I'm getting so tired of typing. Okay. Let's wrap this up. After some generic battling, Markiplier and Pewdiepie combine their forces to use their super special combo attack, which is to get into a screaming competition to see who can yell the most annoying shit louder and faster. The sound is deafening. Rouge covers her sensitive bat ears and falls to the ground. Her status is critical.

Shadow looks at Sonic "Sonic! This can't go on! We have to go super! Quick! Find the supersonic weed!" Just as things are looking dire, Obama steps in hands them the supersonic Obama Kush, and Shadow produces the pipe from the beginning of the movie. They begin huffing and puffing as quickly as possible until the entire party has been hot boxed.

Newly reinvigorated, the group is able to keep Markiplier and PewDiePie at bay while Sonic and Shadow go super. They lock arms and shoot their Kamehameha waves at Trump and Mike Pence, obliterating them once and for all. Now they will never be president in any timeline.

Obama congratulates everyone one by one. "Thank you for saving the weed... And by extension, the world." Epic nightcore music plays.

Reggie Fils-Aime, finally freed, ascends into the ether, to join Turk from Scrubs. "Thank you all," he says lovingly. "Now I can finally get back to playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf on my Nintendo 3DS."

Fin.


End file.
